Marriage for newbies might read like the end of a romantic book whose last phrase reads happily ever after. But for those that have lived long enough might tell you what it really is—possibly along the lines of ‘a new life in its entirety.’ Or they might not. It is perhaps about starting a life-long journey that might come full of surprising chapters you either didn’t expect, or didn’t see it coming.

There are possibly three kinds of people engaging into a marriage. The first kind is the one that thinks marriage is bliss, the ‘happily ever after’ type. They don’t know what to expect, nevertheless think it will bring them happiness. The second kind is perhaps that which seeks relationship, companionship, a change from solitude, an escape from the existing life, or a license to an adventurous one. The third, and the rare breed is a know-it-all, and happily soul-exchanging type. Braving all the life’s meanders, they will truly live happily in each others’ company ever after.

Interesting thing about these three is that they could also be stages in a marriage—not particularly in any order, instead of kinds of people. As people mature into relationships, I think their meaning of companionship ripes with time, changing perspectives, and hopefully for the better.

Spice Girls may not really know the true meaning of Two become One, because soul-merging takes time and effort, as life attempts at braving storms like the clash of personalities, strengths of their egos, love quotient, and external pulls such as peer-pressure, materialism, and other strings—human, or object oriented.

No algorithm in this complex equation is universal. Medicine for one could be a poison for the other. Still, amplifying individual strengths, while subduing and treating weaknesses would perhaps be applicable generally towards a long-term relationship. Escaping or amplifying weaknesses spells trouble, and will make you as a couple very unhappy. Negative vibe, instead of the positive is generally bad, i.e., you don’t want to take that route.

Taking turns at the helm perhaps does wonders at improving strengths, confidence, and commitment to each other. Every couple, or family should try this as often as practically possible.¹

In the end it is about the choices we make, and the paths we take. And truly, we as individuals alone are responsible for everything that happens in our lives together.

But I digress.

Sneha and I went to Giethoorn to spend some time alone over the weekend—sans kids, who stayed back happily with their visiting grandparents—on the occasion of our tenth anniversary. I started writing about it, but ended taking this ‘philosophical’ detour instead. For the afterthought, we may not really know what type we are, but we truly hope to be that third kind—it is an aspiration, a promise we try to make to each other, to our children, and try and honor it through time.

1. A special note to patriarchally oriented families. [←]

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